FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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