Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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