No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I will pee on everything he values.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
