I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
