dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
