His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
