Im at strip club and am horny
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
