I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
