She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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