Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
