I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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