It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
