I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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