I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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