she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
