Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
