I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
