I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
