I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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