Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
