you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
