"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
