We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
