I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
