my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
