im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
