I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You've changed since you got that strap on
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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