i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
