what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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