I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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