okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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