I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
