The maid of honor just puked.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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