mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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