We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
