My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
