aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
