No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
