ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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