that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
