god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
