Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
