You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
