i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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