i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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