the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
