I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
