How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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