Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
