oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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