A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
