Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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