Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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