Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
