She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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